Life's Handicap: Being Stories of Mine Own People Read online

  THE LANG MEN O' LARUT

  [Footnote: Copyright, 1891, by MACMILLAN & CO.]

  The Chief Engineer's sleeping suit was of yellow striped with blue, andhis speech was the speech of Aberdeen. They sluiced the deck under him,and he hopped on to the ornamental capstan, a black pipe between histeeth, though the hour was not seven of the morn.

  'Did you ever hear o' the Lang Men o' Larut?' he asked when the Man fromOrizava had finished a story of an aboriginal giant discovered in thewilds of Brazil. There was never story yet passed the lips of teller,but the Man from Orizava could cap it.

  'No, we never did,' we responded with one voice. The Man from Orizavawatched the Chief keenly, as a possible rival.

  'I'm not telling the story for the sake of talking merely,' said theChief, 'but as a warning against betting, unless you bet on a perrfectcertainty. The Lang Men o' Larut were just a certainty. I have had talkwi' them. Now Larut, you will understand, is a dependency, or it may bean outlying possession, o' the island o' Penang, and there they will getyou tin and manganese, an' it mayhap mica, and all manner o' meenerals.Larut is a great place.'

  'But what about the population?' said the Man from Orizava.

  'The population,' said the Chief slowly, 'were few but enorrmous. Youmust understand that, exceptin' the tin-mines, there is no specialinducement to Europeans to reside in Larut. The climate is warm andremarkably like the climate o' Calcutta; and in regard to Calcutta, itcannot have escaped your obsairvation that--'

  'Calcutta isn't Larut; and we've only just come from it,' protestedthe Man from Orizava. 'There's a meteorological department in Calcutta,too.'

  'Ay, but there's no meteorological department in Larut. Each man is alaw to himself. Some drink whisky, and some drink brandipanee, andsome drink cocktails--vara bad for the coats o' the stomach is acocktail--and some drink sangaree, so I have been credibly informed;but one and all they sweat like the packing of piston-head on afourrteen-days' voyage with the screw racing half her time. But, as Iwas saying, the population o' Larut was five all told of English--thatis to say, Scotch--an' I'm Scotch, ye know,' said the Chief.

  The Man from Orizava lit another cigarette, and waited patiently. It washopeless to hurry the Chief Engineer.

  'I am not pretending to account for the population o' Larut beinglaid down according to such fabulous dimensions. O' the five white menengaged upon the extraction o' tin ore and mercantile pursuits, therewere three o' the sons o' Anak. Wait while I remember. Lammitter was thefirst by two inches--a giant in the land, an' a terreefic man tocross in his ways. From heel to head he was six feet nine inches, andproportionately built across and through the thickness of his body.Six good feet nine inches--an overbearin' man. Next to him, and I haveforgotten his precise business, was Sandy Vowle. And he was six feetseven, but lean and lathy, and it was more in the elasteecity of hisneck that the height lay than in any honesty o' bone and sinew. Fivefeet and a few odd inches may have been his real height. The remaindercame out when he held up his head, and six feet seven he was upon thedoor-sills. I took his measure in chalk standin' on a chair. And nextto him, but a proportionately made man, ruddy and of a fair countenance,was Jock Coan--that they called the Fir Cone. He was but six feetfive, and a child beside Lammitter and Vowle. When the three walkedout together, they made a scunner run through the colony o' Larut. TheMalays ran round them as though they had been the giant trees inthe Yosemite Valley--these three Lang Men o' Larut. It was perfectlyridiculous--a lusus naturae--that one little place should have containedmaybe the three tallest ordinar' men upon the face o' the earth.

  'Obsairve now the order o' things. For it led to the finest big drink inLarut, and six sore heads the morn that endured for a week. I am againstimmoderate liquor, but the event to follow was a justification. You mustunderstand that many coasting steamers call at Larut wi' strangers o'the mercantile profession. In the spring time, when the young cocoanutswere ripening, and the trees o' the forests were putting forth theirleaves, there came an American man to Larut, and he was six foot three,or it may have been four, in his stockings. He came on business fromSacramento, but he stayed for pleasure wi' the Lang Men o' Larut. Lessthan, a half o' the population were ordinar' in their girth and stature,ye will understand--Howson and Nailor, merchants, five feet nine orthereabouts. He had business with those two, and he stood above themfrom the six feet threedom o' his height till they went to drink. Inthe course o' conversation he said, as tall men will, things about hisheight, and the trouble of it to him. That was his pride o' the flesh.

  '"As the longest man in the island--" he said, but there they took himup and asked if he were sure.

  '"I say I am the longest man in the island," he said, "and on that I'llbet my substance."

  'They laid down the bed-plates of a big drink then and there, and putit aside while they called Jock Coan from his house, near by among thefireflies' winking.

  '"How's a' wi' you?" said Jock, and came in by the side o' theSacramento profligate, two inches, or it may have been one, taller thanhe.

  '"You're long," said the man, opening his eyes. "But I am longer." An'they sent a whistle through the night an' howkit out Sandy Vowle fromhis bit bungalow, and he came in an' stood by the side o' Jock, an' thepair just fillit the room to the ceiling-cloth.

  'The Sacramento man was a euchre-player and a most profane sweerer. "Youhold both Bowers," he said, "but the Joker is with me."

  '"Fair an' softly," says Nailor. "Jock, whaur's Lang Lammitter?"

  '"Here," says that man, putting his leg through the window and comingin like an anaconda o' the desert furlong by furlong, one foot in Penangand one in Batavia, and a hand in North Borneo it may be.

  '"Are you suited?" said Nailor, when the hinder end o' Lang Lammitterwas slidden through the sill an' the head of Lammitter was lost in thesmoke away above.

  'The American man took out his card and put it on the table. "Esdras B.Longer is my name, America is my nation, 'Frisco is my resting-place,but this here beats Creation," said he. "Boys, giants--side-showgiants--I minded to slide out of my bet if I had been overtopped, on thestrength of the riddle on this paste-board. I would have done it ifyou had topped me even by three inches, but when it comes tofeet--yards--miles, I am not the man to shirk the biggest drink thatever made the travellers'-joy palm blush with virginal indignation, orthe orang-outang and the perambulating dyak howl with envy. Set them upand continue till the final conclusion."

  'O mon, I tell you 'twas an awful sight to see those four giantsthreshing about the house and the island, and tearin' down the pillarsthereof an' throwing palm-trees broadcast, and currling their long legsround the hills o' Larut. An awfu' sight! I was there. I did not mean totell you, but it's out now. I was not overcome, for I e'en sat me downunder the pieces o' the table at four the morn an' meditated upon thestrangeness of things.

  'Losh, yon's the breakfast-bell!'