Plain Tales from the Hills Read online

  THREE AND--AN EXTRA.

  "When halter and heel ropes are slipped, do not give chase with sticks but with gram."

  Punjabi Proverb.

  After marriage arrives a reaction, sometimes a big, sometimes a littleone; but it comes sooner or later, and must be tided over by bothparties if they desire the rest of their lives to go with the current.

  In the case of the Cusack-Bremmils this reaction did not set in till thethird year after the wedding. Bremmil was hard to hold at the bestof times; but he was a beautiful husband until the baby died and Mrs.Bremmil wore black, and grew thin, and mourned as if the bottom of theuniverse had fallen out. Perhaps Bremmil ought to have comforted her. Hetried to do so, I think; but the more he comforted the more Mrs. Bremmilgrieved, and, consequently, the more uncomfortable Bremmil grew. Thefact was that they both needed a tonic. And they got it. Mrs. Bremmilcan afford to laugh now, but it was no laughing matter to her at thetime.

  You see, Mrs. Hauksbee appeared on the horizon; and where she existedwas fair chance of trouble. At Simla her bye-name was the "StormyPetrel." She had won that title five times to my own certain knowledge.She was a little, brown, thin, almost skinny, woman, with big, rolling,violet-blue eyes, and the sweetest manners in the world. You had only tomention her name at afternoon teas for every woman in the room to riseup, and call her--well--NOT blessed. She was clever, witty, brilliant,and sparkling beyond most of her kind; but possessed of many devils ofmalice and mischievousness. She could be nice, though, even to her ownsex. But that is another story.

  Bremmil went off at score after the baby's death and the generaldiscomfort that followed, and Mrs. Hauksbee annexed him. She took nopleasure in hiding her captives. She annexed him publicly, and saw thatthe public saw it. He rode with her, and walked with her, and talkedwith her, and picnicked with her, and tiffined at Peliti's with her,till people put up their eyebrows and said: "Shocking!" Mrs. Bremmilstayed at home turning over the dead baby's frocks and crying into theempty cradle. She did not care to do anything else. But some eight dear,affectionate lady-friends explained the situation at length to her incase she should miss the cream of it. Mrs. Bremmil listened quietly,and thanked them for their good offices. She was not as clever as Mrs.Hauksbee, but she was no fool. She kept her own counsel, and did notspeak to Bremmil of what she had heard. This is worth remembering.Speaking to, or crying over, a husband never did any good yet.

  When Bremmil was at home, which was not often, he was more affectionatethan usual; and that showed his hand. The affection was forced partly tosoothe his own conscience and partly to soothe Mrs. Bremmil. It failedin both regards.

  Then "the A.-D.-C. in Waiting was commanded by Their Excellencies, Lordand Lady Lytton, to invite Mr. and Mrs. Cusack-Bremmil to Peterhoff onJuly 26th at 9.30 P. M."--"Dancing" in the bottom-left-hand corner.

  "I can't go," said Mrs. Bremmil, "it is too soon after poor littleFlorrie... but it need not stop you, Tom."

  She meant what she said then, and Bremmil said that he would go just toput in an appearance. Here he spoke the thing which was not; and Mrs.Bremmil knew it. She guessed--a woman's guess is much more accurate thana man's certainty--that he had meant to go from the first, and with Mrs.Hauksbee. She sat down to think, and the outcome of her thoughts wasthat the memory of a dead child was worth considerably less than theaffections of a living husband. She made her plan and staked herall upon it. In that hour she discovered that she knew Tom Bremmilthoroughly, and this knowledge she acted on.

  "Tom," said she, "I shall be dining out at the Longmores' on the eveningof the 26th. You'd better dine at the club."

  This saved Bremmil from making an excuse to get away and dine withMrs. Hauksbee, so he was grateful, and felt small and mean at the sametime--which was wholesome. Bremmil left the house at five for a ride.About half-past five in the evening a large leather-covered basket camein from Phelps' for Mrs. Bremmil. She was a woman who knew how to dress;and she had not spent a week on designing that dress and having itgored, and hemmed, and herring-boned, and tucked and rucked (or whateverthe terms are) for nothing. It was a gorgeous dress--slight mourning. Ican't describe it, but it was what The Queen calls "a creation"--a thingthat hit you straight between the eyes and made you gasp. She had notmuch heart for what she was going to do; but as she glanced at the longmirror she had the satisfaction of knowing that she had never looked sowell in her life. She was a large blonde and, when she chose, carriedherself superbly.

  After the dinner at the Longmores, she went on to the dance--a littlelate--and encountered Bremmil with Mrs. Hauksbee on his arm. Thatmade her flush, and as the men crowded round her for dances she lookedmagnificent. She filled up all her dances except three, and those sheleft blank. Mrs. Hauksbee caught her eye once; and she knew it waswar--real war--between them. She started handicapped in the struggle,for she had ordered Bremmil about just the least little bit in the worldtoo much; and he was beginning to resent it. Moreover, he had never seenhis wife look so lovely. He stared at her from doorways, and glared ather from passages as she went about with her partners; and the more hestared, the more taken was he. He could scarcely believe that this wasthe woman with the red eyes and the black stuff gown who used to weepover the eggs at breakfast.

  Mrs. Hauksbee did her best to hold him in play, but, after two dances,he crossed over to his wife and asked for a dance.

  "I'm afraid you've come too late, MISTER Bremmil," she said, with hereyes twinkling.

  Then he begged her to give him a dance, and, as a great favor, sheallowed him the fifth waltz. Luckily 5 stood vacant on his programme.They danced it together, and there was a little flutter round the room.Bremmil had a sort of notion that his wife could dance, but he neverknew she danced so divinely. At the end of that waltz he asked foranother--as a favor, not as a right; and Mrs. Bremmil said: "Show meyour programme, dear!" He showed it as a naughty little schoolboy handsup contraband sweets to a master. There was a fair sprinkling of "H"on it besides "H" at supper. Mrs. Bremmil said nothing, but she smiledcontemptuously, ran her pencil through 7 and 9--two "H's"--and returnedthe card with her own name written above--a pet name that only she andher husband used. Then she shook her finger at him, and said, laughing:"Oh, you silly, SILLY boy!"

  Mrs. Hauksbee heard that, and--she owned as much--felt that she had theworst of it. Bremmil accepted 7 and 9 gratefully. They danced 7, andsat out 9 in one of the little tents. What Bremmil said and what Mrs.Bremmil said is no concern of any one's.

  When the band struck up "The Roast Beef of Old England," the two wentout into the verandah, and Bremmil began looking for his wife's dandy(this was before 'rickshaw days) while she went into the cloak-room.Mrs. Hauksbee came up and said: "You take me in to supper, I think, Mr.Bremmil." Bremmil turned red and looked foolish. "Ah--h'm! I'm goinghome with my wife, Mrs. Hauksbee. I think there has been a littlemistake." Being a man, he spoke as though Mrs. Hauksbee were entirelyresponsible.

  Mrs. Bremmil came out of the cloak-room in a swansdown cloak with awhite "cloud" round her head. She looked radiant; and she had a rightto.

  The couple went off in the darkness together, Bremmil riding very closeto the dandy.

  Then says Mrs. Hauksbee to me--she looked a trifle faded and jaded inthe lamplight: "Take my word for it, the silliest woman can manage aclever man; but it needs a very clever woman to manage a fool."

  Then we went in to supper.